Bum Reviews: The Girl Who Leapt Through Time
by Charles Xavier
Summary: And now it's time for Bum Reviews with Chester A. Bum. Just what does a crazy homeless guy have to say about a normal school girl who can time leap? Read and find out!


Disclaimer: TGWTTT and Chester A. Bum do not belong to me and belong to Madhouse and Douglas Walker (aka That Guy With The Glasses) respectfully. No profit is being made out of this work.

…

_And now it's time for Bum Reviews with Chester A. Bum._

_Tonight's review:_

_**The Girl Who Leapt Through Time**_

…

"OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!"

"Time waits for no SPOILERS!"

"There's this girl, called Makoto, and she can travel through time. All she has to do is leap ever so joyfully. I've never seen a girl so happy before! Just look at her face in the movie poster. This should be called 'Leaping Beauty' because leaping makes people so beautiful and gay!"

"Let's hope it's not contagious."

"So Makoto is about to get run over by a train after falling over her bike, when all of a sudden, she turns back time because she found this magical walnut."

"I found a magical walnut once! Tasted like grandpa…wait, I had a grandpa?"

"Now I know this story doesn't make a whole lot of sense."

"So anyway, Makoto takes this advantage and starts reliving the same day over and over again! She sings karaoke for hours, she kicks major ass at baseball, and she gets all the food she wants from her family!"

"What a greedy pig! I wish I could leap through time and get all the food I want! I could eat a gazillion Egg McMuffins at McDonald's before it's 10am!"

"Time leaping burns a lot of calories, you know."

"She even uses her time leaping abilities to escape conversations that make her feel uncomfortable. Like this guy, called Chiaki, who wants to go out with her, and he's like-"

"_Wanna hang out tonight?"_

"And Makoto's like-"

"_Um, see ya!"_

Poof!

Poof!

"_STILL wanna hang out tonight?"_

"_CRAP!"_

Poof!

Poof!

"_Wanna hang out tonight? I got two tickets to see 'Twilight'."_

"_AAAAAAH!"_

Poof!

Poof!

"_Wanna hang out to-"_

"_Aw, to hell with this!"_

"But then Makoto loses her time leaping powers, right before her friends fall off her bike which…she was theoretically supposed to be on…and they get run over by a train that…she was theoretically supposed to get killed by…wait…what?"

"THERE ARE TERMITES IN MY HEAD! THERE ARE TERMITES IN MY HEAD! GET 'EM OUT, THEY'RE EATING MY BRAIN!"

"But you get the point anyway! And Makoto's all like-"

"_STOOOOOOOOOOP!"_

"And all of time stops."

"I stopped time once! That was when I publically ate my shoe."

"Oh, such sweet memories."

"Then we learn that Chiaki can ALSO time leap and he's from the future…kinda like me! I'm from the future too! I leapt back through time to save people from the evil postal workers that are gonna decimate the world and force everyone to eat envelopes!"

"Think of the children!"

"And it turns out that Chiaki leaped through time just to see a painting at an art museum that'd been destroyed in the future…"

"WHAT? You're meaning to tell me some guy went through all this trouble travelling back through time, meddling with other people's lives, just to see ONE painting? This is bull crap! What kind of an idiot would leap back in time to attend E3 or Comic-Con just because they missed them?"

"I would."

"TIME LEAPING IS FOR DOUCHE BAGS!"

"So then Makoto realizes how much she's in love with Chiaki, but it's too late. Chiaki's used the last of his time leaping powers to save Makoto's friends from getting run over by a train and he consequently vanishes away. And he's like-"

"_See ya!"_

Yoink!

"And then a grief-stricken Makoto runs up to the top of her school and starts BAWLING HER EYES OUT! IT'S SO FANTASTICALLY ACTED!"

"_WAAAAAA! WAAAAAA! WAAAAAA!"_

"Anyone got toilet paper?"

"But all is not quite lost. For Makoto soon finds out that she still has one more chance at leaping back through time. So she takes the chance and finds Chiaki and completely reveals everything to him!"

"_I know who you are. I know where you're from. I know why you're here. I know you have a magical walnut. I know you've got tickets to 'Twilight'. I know you don't wear condoms. I know you eat pork. I know you wear pink boxers. I know-I know-I know-I know-I know-I know-"_

"Next thing you know, Chiaki and Makoto are sitting by the river, watching the sunset. And Makoto's like-"

"_I'll make sure you see the painting you wanted to see now will be seen…in the future…that will be seen…and…you'll see it."_

"And Chiaki's like-"

"_HOORAY!"_

"So Chiaki disappears and says farewell, and Makoto's BAWLING HER EYES OUT AGAIN, EVEN HARDER!"

"_WAAAAAA! WAAAAAA! WAAAAAA!"_

"But Chiaki comes back for one moment and he whispers-"

"_I'll still be a virgin in the future."_

"_Hooray! And we'll get laid, right?"_

"_Oh, yeah!"_

"_HOORAY!"_

"THE END!"

"I thought this was a really good movie. It's got pretty images, an awesome soundtrack, and colorful characters, but BOY was the story's timeline complimacated! But nowhere near as complimacated as 'Where The Wild Things Are'."

"The book version. I can't even get past the first page!"

"As for my final thoughts on Makoto: somebody give that girl an Oscar already! She knocks out entire cast from the Toy Story trilogy, and she isn't even a toy! She should be the first animated character to ever win Best Actress in a Leading Role."

"Either that, or else I don't live in a box, which I in fact do. And that blows donkey."

"This is Chester A. Bum saying...CHANGE! YOU GOT CHANGE? AW, COME ON! HELP A GUY OUT, WILL YA? COME ON, CHANGE!"

**Seriously though, 'The Girl Who Leapt Through Time' was a sweet movie. But the music KICKED ASS! **

"You can help me suck the termites out of my head! They're devouring my little fragile brain…I still have half of it left…um, make that a quarter. Oh, there it went...why I laugh?"


End file.
